


Gamzee: Freak the Fuck Out

by amarielah



Series: dronestuck [2]
Category: Homestuck, MS Paint Adventures
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Sgrub Session, Chucklevoodoos, Gen, Hemospectrum, Karkat Hates Himself, M/M, Pesterlog, Power Dynamics, Power Imbalance, Sober Gamzee, Unrequited Love, gamzee is bad at relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-31
Updated: 2013-07-31
Packaged: 2017-12-21 23:09:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,129
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/906049
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/amarielah/pseuds/amarielah
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After a confrontation with Tavros ends badly, Gamzee seeks out advice from his very best of pals.</p><p>It's a good thing Karkat is better equipped to deal with Gamzee's shit than pretty much anyone.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Gamzee: Freak the Fuck Out

terminallyCapricious [TC] began trolling  carcinoGeneticist [CG]  

TC: you’d better motherfuckin answer me. 

TC: OR ARE YOU GONNA IGNORE ME TOO, BEST FRIEND?

TC: please answer i need to motherfucking talk to you. :o(

CG: YOU KNOW, A GOOD WAY TO NOT MAKE PEOPLE IGNORE YOU IS TO STOP BEING SUCH A RAGING ASSHOLE. 

CG: ALSO, TO NOT THREATEN TO KILL THEM OVER STUPID SHIT.

CG: I’M ACTUALLY STARTING TO MISS HOW YOU WERE WHEN YOU WERE STONED OFF YOUR NOOK ON SOPOR SLIME. WHICH IS SAYING A LOT, SINCE YOU WERE COMPLETELY FUCKING INSUFFERABLE BACK THEN.

TC: you’re a mutant, bro. 

TC: YOUR MOTHERFUCKING BLOOD IS BLASPHEMY.

TC: that ain’t a stupid reason to up and cull a motherfucker.

TC: BUT IT AIN’T NO MOTHERFUCKIN SURPRISE THAT YOU LIKED ME BETTER WHEN I WAS ROTTING MY THINKPAN, BEST FRIEND.

TC: when i would do and say anything so that you motherfuckers would motherfucking talk to me.

TC: WHEN I WAS UP AND TRYING TO FORGET MY TRUE MOTHERFUCKING PURPOSE.

TC: when i could pretend it didn’t motherfucking matter about how these lowbloods were getting their disrespect on.

TC: BUT THAT WAS ALL A MOTHERFUCKIN LIE.

TC: honk.

TC: HONK.

CG: IS THIS SUPPOSED TO MAKE ME EAGER TO TALK TO YOU? BECAUSE IT ISN’T FUCKING WORKING. 

CG: AND FOR THE RECORD, I WASN’T TALKING ABOUT YOU THREATENING TO KILL ME. THERE’S A LONG LIST OF REASONS WHY I SHOULD BE CULLED OFF THE FACE OF THE FUCKING PLANET, AND MY MUTATION IS NOT EVEN AT THE FUCKING TOP.

CG: YOU REALLY WOULD BE DOING OUR ENTIRE SPECIES A FUCKING FAVOR BY GETTING RID OF ME. MY BLOOD WOULD PROBABLY BE INFINITELY MORE VALUABLE TO THE UNIVERSE IF IT WERE ON THE WALL OF SOME CRAZY MURDERCLOWN’S HIVE.

CG: BUT I THINK WE’VE ESTABLISHED THAT YOU’RE NOT ACTUALLY PLANNING TO KILL ME ANYTIME SOON, EVEN THOUGH YOU PROBABLY THINK ABOUT IT WHEN YOU STROKE YOUR HORNS. NOT THAT IT MAKES A DIFFERENCE, CONSIDERING THE DRONES ARE ON THEIR MERRY MOTHERFUCKING WAY.

CG: WHATEVER. WHAT DO YOU WANT TO TALK ABOUT? PLEASE DON’T TELL ME I NEED TO TALK YOU DOWN FROM KILLING SOME ASSHOLE WHO IS MARGIANALLY LESS WORTHLESS THAN I AM.

TC: tavbro went and motherfucking blocked me. 

TC: HE UP AND WANTS ME THE FUCK OUT OF HIS LIFE FOREVER.

TC: and he’s gonna motherfuckin die.

TC: HE’S GONNA UP AND MOTHERFUCKING DIE AND THERE IS MOTHERFUCK ALL I CAN DO ABOUT IT.

TC: what’s all the truth is i should get my subjugglate on.

TC: I SHOULD CULL HIM MY MOTHERFUCKIN SELF.

TC: he even said he wanted me to.

TC: HE SAID THAT HE’D ASK FUCKING SPIDERSIS IF I ALL DIDN’T MOTHERFUCKING DO IT.

TC: but i motherfucking can’t, best friend.

TC: HE’S A MOTHERFUCKIN MIRACLE.

TC: he’s my shitblooded motherfucking miracle brother.

TC: AND YOU’RE MY PUNCHLINE BLOODED BEST FUCKING FRIEND.

TC: i don’t want either of you motherfuckers to motherfucking die.

TC: DO YOU KNOW WHAT THAT ALL UP AND MAKES ME, MOTHERFUCKER?

CG: A PSYCHOTIC NUTCASE WITH ABANDONMENT ISSUES?

TC: karkat. 

TC: MY BROTHER.

TC: now is not a good motherfucking time.

TC: TO BE KICKING IT WITH THAT DISRESPECTFUL SHIT.

TC: honk.

CG: FINE. I DON’T FUCKING KNOW. WHAT DOES IT MAKE YOU?

TC: it makes me. 

TC: A MOTHERFUCKING BLASPHEMER.

TC: :o(

CG: WELL, THANKS FOR NOT WANTING ME TO DIE, I GUESS. THAT MAKES ME FEEL WARM FUCKING FUZZIES IN THE COCKLES OF MY BLOODPUSHER. NO ACCOUNTING FOR TASTE, BUT I GUESS I SHOULDN’T BE SURPRISED. 

CG: ERIDAN’S BEEN FREAKING OUT ABOUT MY INEVITABLE CULLING AS WELL. AT LEAST, HE’S BEING A LOT MORE WHINY ABOUT IT THAN ANYONE ELSE. SO I’M GOING TO GIVE YOU THE SAME ADVICE I GAVE HIM.

CG: THINK OF THIS AS THE FIRST TASTE OF THE REST OF YOUR BASICALLY INFINITE LIFE. THERE ARE A FUCKTON MORE OF US LOWBLOODS THAN THERE ARE OF YOU HIGHBLOODS, IN ADDITION TO THE FACT THAT HIGHBLOODS TEND TO BE CRAZY, POWER-HUNGRY BULGESTAINS. WHAT THIS MEANS IS THAT YOU’RE PROBABLY GOING TO FILL YOUR RED QUADRANTS WITH TROLLS WHO ARE LOWER THAN YOU ON THE HEMOSPECTRUM. WHICH ALSO MEANS THAT YOU’RE PROBABLY GOING TO HAVE TO GET USED TO OUTLIVING PRETTY MUCH EVERY TROLL YOU EVER PITY.

CG: MAYBE IT’S THE UNIVERSE’ WAY OF BALANCING OUT ALL THE PRIVILEGES YOU ASSHOLES GET. HOW’S THAT FOR A FUCKING MIRACLE.

CG: ME AND TAVROS WILL DIE, AND THAT SUCKS BONEBULGE FOR US. BUT IT’S NOT LIKE WE WERE GOING TO LIVE MORE THAN A HANDFUL OF SWEEPS. TAVROS HAS ABOUT 40. MAYBE 50 IF HE’S REALLY LUCKY. AND WHO EVEN KNOWS HOW LONG I’LL FUCKING LIVE, GIVEN THAT I RUN HOTTER THAN A FUCKING RUSTBLOOD.

CG: YOU’RE GOING TO LOOK BACK ON THIS ONE DAY, WHEN YOU’RE A GAJILLION SWEEPS OLD, AND WONDER WHY THE FUCK IT EVEN MEANT ANYTHING TO YOU. THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN 8 SWEEPS AND 40 SWEEPS IS BASICALLY NOTHING WHEN YOU’VE BEEN ALIVE FOR LONG ENOUGH.

CG: THIS IS WHAT IT MEANS TO BE THE DESCENDANT OF THE HIGH MOTHERFUCKING SUBJUGGLATORS, JUST AS MUCH AS CULLING TROLLS AND USING THEIR BLOOD TO PAINT YOUR “MIRACLES”. THIS IS YOUR DARK MOTHERFUCKING CARNIVAL.

CG: SO YOU BETTER START GETTING THE FUCK USED TO IT.

CG: ...

CG: YOU STILL THERE, GAMZEE?

TC: honk. :o( 

TC: HONK. Do:

CG: WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING 

CG: NO NO NO NO NO NO

CG: PLEASE STOP IT

CG: please

 

carcinoGeneticist [CG] is an idle troll!

carcinoGeneticist [CG] is no longer idle!

CG: WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK WAS THAT?

TC: nothing much, best friend. 

TC: JUST MAKING YOU FEEL.

TC: what you all up and made me motherfucking feel.

TC: NOT SO MOTHERFUCKING FUNNY WHEN IT’S ALL UP IN YOUR THINKPAN INSTEAD OF MINE.

TC: is it, motherfucker.

CG: FUCK. YOU. 

CG: I WASN’T SAYING THOSE THINGS BECAUSE I THINK THEY’RE FUNNY. I WAS SAYING THEM BECAUSE THEY’RE FUCKING TRUE AND YOU NEED TO FUCKING REALIZE IT.

CG: YOU FUCKING SWORE TO ME THAT YOU’D NEVER USE THOSE FUCKING CHUCKLEVOODOOS ON ME EVER AGAIN.

CG: BUT WHAT WAS I EXPECTING FROM THE FUCKTARD WHO SPENT HIS ENTIRE WRIGGLERHOOD HIGH ON SOPOR BECAUSE HE DIDN’T WANT TO DEAL WITH THE FACT THAT HE HAD RESPONSIBILITIES TO GO ALONG WITH HIS PRIVILEGES. OR WAS IT BECAUSE YOUR LUSUS WASN’T AROUND ENOUGH AND YOUR FRAGILE FUCKING HEART COULDN’T DEAL WITH IT?

CG: EITHER WAY, YOU’RE A FUCKING COWARD. AND I GUESS NOW WE CAN ADD LIAR TO THE LEDGER OF YOUR MYRIAD FLAWS.

CG: THIS IS WHAT I GET FOR PITYING A FUCKUP LIKE YOU.

TC: are you gonna up and block me now?

CG: NO, EVEN THOUGH I FUCKING WELL SHOULD. 

CG: BUT IF YOU EVER FUCK WITH MY THINKPAN AGAIN, I WILL CUT OFF ALL CONTACT WITH YOU FOR WHAT LITTLE REMAINS OF MY USELESS FUCKING LIFE.

TC: ...okay. 

TC: YOU JUST GOTTA DO WHAT FEELS RIGHT AT WHERE YOUR HEART'S UP IN, BEST FRIEND.

TC: :o) honk.

CG: WELL THAT WAS A COMPLETELY POINTLESS BIT OF NOSTALGIA. DID YOU WANT TO REMIND ME OF THE TIME WHEN YOU WERE JUST FUCKING ANNOYING INSTEAD OF PETTY AND MALICIOUS? 

CG: BUT REALLY, WHO EVEN FUCKING KNOWS WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN YOUR TINY CEREBRAL SPONGE? YOU CERTAINLY FUCKING DON’T.

CG: WHATEVER. SEND ME THE LOG OF YOUR CONVERSATION WITH TAVROS AND I’LL TELL YOU WHAT I THINK.

terminallyCapricious [TC]  sent carcinoGeneticist [CG] file “[d68ajd90aj.txt](902328)”

 

CG: HMM. WELL, THE MAIN PROBLEM I CAN SEE IS THAT YOU TAKE EVERY POSSIBLE OPPORTUNITY TO INSULT HIM, REMIND HIM THAT HE’S WORTHLESS, AND GENERALLY SHIT ALL OVER HIS ALREADY NONEXISTENT SELF-ESTEEM. I MEAN, YOU EVEN MOCKED HIS FUCKING TYPING QUIRK.

CG: THOUGH I’VE GOT TO SAY THAT HE’S PRETTY BLUNT FOR A GUY WHO CLAIMS TO HAVE NO CONFIDENCE. CONSIDERING THAT YOU COULD TURN HIM INTO A DROOLING INVALID WITHOUT SO MUCH AS LIFTING A FINGER, AND HE CERTAINLY SEEMS TO THINK YOU PROBABLY WOULD IF HE PUSHED YOU FAR ENOUGH.

CG: ANYWAY, THIS DOESN’T READ LIKE YOU’RE TALKING TO YOUR FLUSHCRUSH. IF ANYTHING, IT SOUNDS LIKE A REALLY CLUMSY BLACK SOLICITATION.

CG: WHICH ACTUALLY MAKES HIM COMPARING YOU TO VRISKA PRETTY FUCKING APT.

CG: WHAT THE BULGEMUNCHING FUCK WERE YOU THINKING?

TC: i motherfucking wasn’t down with much thinking. :o( 

TC: HE MOTHERFUCKING HURT ME, IGNORING ME LIKE THAT.

TC: i wanted to make him get his motherfucking understand on about what that all was like.

CG: WHY NOT USE YOUR CHUCKLEVOODOOES, THEN? YOU SEEMED HAPPY ENOUGH TO USE THEM ON ME.

TC: to be all kinds of truthful, i almost motherfucking did.

TC: I WAS IN HIS THINKPAN, SEEING WHAT ALL MAKES HIM FEARFUL.

TC: i was gonna stir that shit up.

TC: I WAS GONNA MAKE HIM WISH HIS SHITBLOOD GRUB HAD NEVER LEFT THE MOTHERFUCKIN CAVERNS.

TC: but being so close to him like that, and seeing what all was inside of him that he keeps hidden away.

TC: I MOTHERFUCKING COULDN’T.

TC: all i could do was pity him so much it was hard to motherfucking breath.

TC: HONK.

CG: WELL, THAT’S FUCKING CREEPY, IN A ROMANTIC SORT OF WAY. 

CG: ACTUALLY, NO. IT’S JUST FUCKING CREEPY.

CG: SECOND QUESTION: WHY THE FUCK DID YOU KEEP BRINGING UP HIS HEMOSTATUS? DO YOU WANT HIM TO TALK TO YOU BECAUSE YOU’RE A HIGHBLOOD, OR BECAUSE HE ACTUALLY GIVES A SHIT ABOUT YOU AS A TROLL?

TC: why can’t it be motherfucking both? 

TC: IF I ALL WANT TO TALK WITH A MOTHERFUCKING LOWBLOOD.

TC: they should show the proper respect and motherfucking gratitude.

TC: NO SHITBLOOD SHOULD UP AND HAVE THE GUMPTION TO DO THAT DISRESPECTFUL SHIT.

TC: shouldn’t think it’s chill to take advantage of a brother because of his pity.

TC: EVEN IF THE SHITBLOOD HE’S FLUSHED FOR WILL NEVER FEEL THE MOTHERFUCKIN SAME.

TC: i can’t just up and go back to way i was.

TC: THE WAY HE MOTHERFUCKING LIKED ME.

TC: pretending a motherfucker’s blood meant nothing.

TC: IT WAS EASY TO LIE WHEN THE PIE MADE EVERYTHING A MOTHERFUCKING MIRACLE.

TC: but i can’t be down with the motherfucking lies anymore, best friend.

TC: SO I GOT IN TOUCH WITH SOME MOTHERFUCKING REALITY.

TC: if he’s not gonna talk to me because he likes me, then he’ll talk to me because.

TC: I AM MOTHERFUCKIN HIGHER THAN HIM.

TC: are you getting your motherfucking understand on now, brother?

CG: YEAH, I THINK I FUCKING AM. 

CG: YOU FUCKED THINGS UP BY BEING A COMPLETE FUCKING TOOL, AND THEN TRIED TO USE YOUR HEMOCASTE TO FORCE HIM INTO HAVING A RELATIONSHIP WITH YOU ANYWAY.

CG: THERE’S JUST ONE TINY PROBLEM WITH THAT PLAN.

CG: AND BY TINY I MEAN SO ENORMOUS IT ECLIPSES THE SIZE OF EVEN YOUR OWN MASSIVE STUPIDITY.

CG: YOU SEE, YOU CHOSE TO PULL THIS SHIT WHILE TAVROS HAS LITERALLY NOTHING LEFT TO LOSE. IT’S PRETTY DIFFICULT TO BULLY SOMEONE INTO SPENDING TIME WITH YOU WHEN THEIR BIGGEST PRIORITY IS MAKING THE MOST OUT OF WHAT LITTLE LIFE THEY HAVE LEFT.

CG: YOU MADE IT THAT, INSTEAD OF JUST WANTING TO AVOID YOU, HE WOULD LITERALLY RATHER DIE THAN SPEAK WITH YOU. ALL BECAUSE YOU HAVE THIS PETTY NEED TO PUNISH ANYONE WHO HURTS YOU, EVEN IF IT MEANS YOU END UP GETTING HURT EVEN FUCKING WORSE AS A RESULT.

CG: YOU NEED TO LEARN TO TAKE A STEP BACK AND NOT BE SO FUCKING IMPULSIVE. I KNOW THIS IS PRETTY FUCKING RICH COMING FROM ME, BUT THAT DOESN’T MAKE IT ANY LESS TRUE.

TC: you must think i’m really motherfucking stupid. 

TC: YOU THINK I DON’T ALREADY GOT MY KNOW ON ABOUT THAT SHIT?

TC: i need something to help me keep my own motherfucking self under control.

TC: THAT WAS WHAT THE PIES WERE ALL UP AND FOR, MOTHERFUCKER.

TC: i just need something.

TC: OR MOTHERFUCKING SOMEONE.

TC: ;o)

CG: HOLY SHIT. THIS IS EVEN MORE OBVIOUS THAN YOUR LAST PALE SOLICITATION. I DIDN'T EVEN THINK THAT WAS FUCKING POSSIBLE. 

CG: IF I WASN'T CONVINCED THAT YOU'RE A MASOCHIST ALREADY, THIS WOULD BE ALL THE FUCKING CONFIRMATION I NEED. DO I SERIOUSLY NEED TO REMIND YOU THAT I'M GOING TO BE CULLED IN LESS THAN A PERIGEE?

TC: honk. :o) 

TC: THAT WASN'T A MOTHERFUCKING NO, BEST FRIEND.

CG: IT WASN'T A YES, EITHER. 

TC: i'm gonna come on over to your hive. 

TC: WE CAN HELP EACH OTHER SORT THIS MOTHERFUCKER OUT.

CG: WILL YOU LISTEN TO ME IF I TELL YOU NOT TO?

TC: honk. :oD 

TC: HONK. (o:

CG: FOR FUCK'S SAKE. JUST...TRY NOT TO FUCKING KILL ME.

TC: <>

 terminallyCapricious [TC] ceased trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG]


End file.
